sweet torture
history repeats itself.. if it hapend once, its gona hapen again for the second time.. i know, watch out! if it happens the third time, i should just stop fooling myself..
lately, it seems like ive been walking around in a daze.. wether im in skul, at work or at home, ders no difference der. it seems like a balloon of plastic has enveloped me and nothing affects me.. its like being thrown in the arctic ocean, the cold stinging me like needles and pins until… the torture ends and a feeling of numbness engulfs my body until i cant feel anything…
when will i be released of this pain?
when will i find the ray of sunshine thats gona thaw my numb and cold body, thats gone embrace me with the feeling of warmth?
please let it be soon..
it is soo easy to assure others that im ok despite the the heartache that im feeling right now. its such a tough life and i refuse to give in to the temptations of breaking down.. because giving in would mean that you are leaving everything to chance.. and wouldnt you know.. chance is just like a a lil boy on his cute lil wings playing with his dices.. and i dont trust that cute lil boy with my life. i know that if i just make my own moves and let god guide me, theres no more room for chance in my life..
but its so sad that even if i strongly believe in this, i cant make him see that.. he would just sigh and say "thats life".. well i know that life sometimes is sucky but you dont have to go down with it.. not when theres so much love and passion between us.. or maybe im fooling myself that we ever had that????
*sigh* it sucks but i wont let it get it me….
