talkbackapril

i suppose i should be celebrating since i have done something right this time. getting IT was no piece of cake and i admit i was pleased with the results. finally, my parents will now stop bugging me and i have redeemed myself in their eyes. but something else is bothering me, not because this is going to be another challenge, but its because i dont want IT. id rather be stuck now not doing anything yet and wait for something that feels "just right" than be forced to do something that i said i would not do before. unfortunately, i dont have the luxury of waiting around for that something that would feel "just right". i need this and so does my family. theyve been holding their breaths, waiting and hoping that i would finally move my lazy ass. now that theyve gotten what they want, i wonder if i should go along with them…??

i have always envisioned banks to be a prison, a stifling environment that will only keep me locked in and ill never be able to do anything fun. although some people are confident about starting in one, im not. i dont want to be in the same industry as marcos. by the way, i associated working in one with MARcos who is a control freak, very meticulous with the small details and very organized. i am not one of those things jud and i wonder if ill survive. which brings me to another worry… they are expecting their "newbies" to last like a hundred years in their company.. "the bank grows and you grow with the bank", ive heard them say… yes, but what if i dont wana grow old with you guys?  i absolutely dont want to have another marcos at home!!

next week, ill start getting my pre-employment papers already.. and this fact just does not console me. i am still waiting for that other thingie but i figured, i might have been too late for that. which brings me to this….. im gona celebrate alright.. and prepare myself for another misery-laden training…

i cant believe its been a year already. time does fly so fast and you never expect things to turn out the way they are.

yesterday, i met up with my batchmates in wats. we were batch 51 pips and we kinda started the whole "having a theme song" for every batch. so they picked "wonderful journey" and we made up steps to the song.. it was fun and everyone took part.. weeeelll, that was a year ago.. as i was saying, we met over pizza at yellowcab mango and we started reminiscing.. haaaaayyyy. those were the days… i found that two of my batchmates are now an item and that out of 32 trainees, only 14 of us remained now in wats.. hehehe im not one of them, for sure.. i also found out that wats management is getting very strict.. as in restricting smoke breaks to 3 minutes..!! how in the hell could you enjoy your ciggy for 3 minutes?? hehe im glad wa nkoy labot ana.. los..

i saw that most of my friends changed for the past year. like agnes who was from leyte and i couldnt understand her before because of her mga"ajo-ajO’ thing, now i can and she lost that leyte accent she had when we first started. and christy and mona both nanambok.. and cyril has cancer of his throat.. and i cant believe he’s stil working there! and lynet is still the same old lynet.. "red horsE lynet".. kinda like me.. heheh but they told me i got thin again and ni-intsik og samot!! as if that could ever happen.. haller!!! and they all were happy that i finished school nah since i was the only student at that time, last year i mean.. but they did not want me to go back to wats, luckily, since i wasnt even thinking about it!! hehehe

sadly, i dont have pictures though. im gona check with the others if they have because its such a momentous occasion and sayang kung way pics na save…

ONE STAR HANGOVER         

No pain. no real feeling of illness.. your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. be glad that you are able to function relatively well. however, you are still parched. you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel this way. even vegetarians are craving a cheeseburger and a side of fries.

TWO STAR HANGOVER    

Slight headache. dont feel sick, but something is definitely amiss. you may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. the coffee you try to chug and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast. last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanor about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money since all you can really handle is aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk emails.

THREE STAR HANGOVER  

definite headache. stomache feels crappy. you are definitely a space cadet and so not productive. anytime a girl walks by, you lurch because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic buds after the bouncer kicked you out after midnight.life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a liter of coke watching Good Morning Jud! youve had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 chorizos and a liter of diet coke — yet you havent peed once.

FOUR STAR HANGOVER   

your head is throbbing and you cant speak too quickly or else you might honk. you have lost the will to live. your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. you wore nice clothes but that cant hide the fact that missed an oh-so-crucial spot of shaving or it looks like you must have put on your makeup while riding the cab, your teeth have big sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of UROT national highschool circa 1976. you would give weeks pay for one of the following: 1. home time, 2. a divan or somewhere to be alone, 3. a time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

FIVE STAR HANGOVER    

you have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually scaring the employee next to you. death seems like a pretty good idea rioght now. you cant focus as your eyes scrunched against the overpowering glare from yur computer screen. Rancid vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore, staining your shirt and making you dizzy. you still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth, at least thats what you think it is. you dont give a damn anyway. your body has lost the ability to generate saliva and your tongue is suffocating you. youd cry but that would take all the moisture thats left in your body. talking is not even an option. your boss doesnt even get mad at you and your co-workers seem to think that your dog just died. you look so pathetic. you should have called in sick because all you can manage to do is breathe…. very gently…

i found this article on sunstar newspaper. it was posted by charlston tomelden. i have no idea who this guy is but thanks to him, he more or less summed up everything i felt during these hellish aftermaths. this also goes out to my 1star or 5star alcoholic buds that managed to keep up with the mighty calling of being an ALCOFREAK…

raise your shotglasses ya’ll and a toast to us!! more life!! more beer!!

haaay…. again…. back to square one….

it took only just a swing and im again enchanted…..

i was ok for the most part nah… never thinking about it… and life’s complexities….

i thought i was invincible already… just minding my own…

but here we go again…

im back to where i was 4 months ago….

i wont even bother thinking about it…

it will only lead to more waterworks… something i dont need right now…

its been sooooo long nah…

let’s stop….

BOY: I saw her today
GIRL: I saw him today

BOY: It seems like its been forever
GIRL: I wonder if he still cares

BOY: She looks better than before
GIRL: I couldn’t stop staring at him

BOY: I asked her how things were going
GIRL: I asked about his new girlfriend

BOY: I’d choose her over any girl im with
GIRL: He’s probablly really happy right
now

BOY: I couldnt look at her without starting
to cry
GIRL: He couldnt even look at me

BOY: I told her I miss her
GIRL: He doesnt mean it

BOY: I meant it
GIRL: He didnt mean it

BOY: I love her
GIRL: He loves his new girlfriend

BOY: I held her for the last time
GIRL: He gave me a friendly hug

BOY: Then I went home and cried
GIRL: Then I went home and cried

BOY: I lost her
GIRL: I still love him

unemployment sucks, big time. i was elated that finally i finished school and stuff. but i now i am not so sure. i have been getting a lot of "talks" from my parents lately. talks with the word "job" on it, insert a negative force called "pressure" and my stomache is all in knots. i dont want to be pressured but they certainly have a point in all their jabbering. now, im absolutely torn between choosing what i want (meaning be a bum for some period of time) and doing what im told to do (meaning get off my lazy ass, battle the heat and go to interviews).

i have this fear of being rejected man gud.. plus disappointments.. i have been getting a lot of them lately (disappointments bah) and feel nako nahadlok na ko madisappoint blik.. i hate the feeling.. i know i have to face the fact that not all interviews that i go to they would like me. especially if they require good scholastic records (which i dont have in my last year).

i have actually gone on 2 interviews pa…  i try to be pleasant man but i cant help it if i dont have an answer to a stupid question like "tell me something about yourself…" which by the way, i answered with all stupidity:" there is nothing much to tell.. what do you wana know..??" you should see the hiring manager’s face and the look she gave me.. that’s when i knew i blew it.. but to my surprise, they called the next day.. i got until to the third interview and i asked all the details about the job and the salary and the benefits.. i did not like it though and i told them "id like to give it some thought" which i think they took as a "NO". hehehe my mistake.. i shoulda taken it… but its no use crying over spilled beer.. shit happens…

now its a saturday and im postponing my job hunting escapades till next week.. seriously, i have a very bad case of "mañana habit". i just realized that now. hehehe i hope that by next week, i can definetly get off my lazy boney ass and lasso some jobs.

all this thinking about work, or my lack of work, gives me a migraine……

yey….. i think…

for the longest time i have been hounded by these premonitions hours before a message….

its a good feeling to know that it has finally gone away… i think…

the connection was there, i know it.. but i want to move along nah…

and i cant with the connection tying me down…

but sometimes when i think about it….

i dont want it to end… it WAS the only thing left…

uncorrupted.. pure and unintended….

maybe it has left me to make room for something else..??